Vitamin M For Mental Health: Self-Care for Clients
SUICIDE AND CRISIS LIFELINE 988 - IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE ARE HAVING SUICIDAL OR SELF-HARM THOUGHTS, FEELING DEPRESSED, OR JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, CALL 988 OR TEXT 988 FOR THE 24-HOUR SUICIDE AND CRISIS LIFELINE (PRESS 1 FOR VETERANS, 2 FOR SPANISH). THE LIFELINE IS ALSO AVAILABLE AT HTTPS://988LIFELINE.ORG/CHAT.
IN AN EMERGENCY, IF YOU HAVE HARMED YOURSELF OR CANNOT CONTROL YOUR SUICIDAL URGES, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY.
CHICAGO, IL - Being charged with a crime is among the most daunting experiences one can face. For newcomers, the justice system can seem slow, inefficient, and impersonal, reducing individuals to mere statistics. Repeat offenders often endure the stigma of being labeled as societal problems, perpetuating a cycle of punishment. Regardless of circumstances, defendants are branded as "criminals," disregarding their lives or actual guilt.
As defense attorneys and fellow humans, we empathize with the suffering of our clients and recognize the pervasive issue of unaddressed mental health concerns. This post aims to foster an open dialogue across cultures because, fundamentally, we are all human. Mental health, like physical health, is universal and merits open discussion and a willingness to seek help.
Drawing on over 15 years of experience as a criminal defense lawyer in Chicago, I offer insights based on navigating high-stakes, emotionally charged situations. While my perspective is specific, the principles shared are applicable to all. This post merely scratches the surface of the mental health crisis within our justice system, but its goal is to destigmatize emotions and encourage seeking assistance.
Many mental health challenges faced by our clients stem directly from their involvement in the criminal justice system. Depression and anxiety are prevalent, and it's crucial for lawyers to assess their severity by engaging in meaningful conversations with clients and their families. Clients often won't volunteer information about their mental well-being, so it falls on us to recognize signs of distress and have difficult conversations when necessary.
While I'm not a trained therapist, part of my role as an attorney is to act in my clients' best interests, which includes addressing concerns about suicidal thoughts. Asking these tough questions may be uncomfortable, but it's vital to ensure clients get the help they need. The increased prevalence of depression and anxiety among clients is evident, especially since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, which exacerbated existing mental health challenges.
Anxiety stemming from the uncertainty of criminal cases and depression linked to clients' current and perceived future circumstances are common themes. It's crucial for clients to understand that experiencing these emotions is not a personal failing. Whether due to underlying mental health issues or the stress of criminal charges, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Let's continue to have open conversations about mental health, ensuring that those in need receive the support and compassion they deserve.
WHAT DOES IT SOUND LIKE?
I OFTEN HEAR CLIENTS SAY:
“WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?”
“THERE IS NO HOPE”
“EVERYTHING IS STACKED AGAINST ME”
“I JUST CAN’T CATCH A BREAK”
“I’M JUST STUPID”
“I JUST FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH ALL THE TIME”
“I WAS SO UPSET I ALMOST CRIED, BUT I DON’T CRY”
“I’VE JUST BEEN SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING”
“I WANT THIS TO BE BEHIND ME AND DONE”
“THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME”
“I SEE ALL OF THESE OTHER PEOPLE WALKING AROUND HAPPY, AND I DON’T FEEL HAPPY”
“THIS IS MY LIFE AT STAKE AND I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT”
“I SCREWED THIS UP, NOW IT’S GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE”
Expressions of depression and anxiety or engaging in negative self-talk, often accompanied by excessive self-blame, are common experiences. Cultural norms, especially those around toughness and masculinity, have historically perpetuated the idea that facing challenges means stoically "manning up." Expressing anxiety or sadness was often discouraged, fostering the belief that healthy individuals should navigate their emotions independently. However, suppressing emotions often leads to harmful outcomes—emotions build up until they erupt, manifesting in behaviors like substance abuse, rage, violence, self-harm, or suicide.
With mental health gaining traction in media discourse, it's evident that addressing uncomfortable emotions in a healthy, supported manner is crucial for overall well-being. The stereotype of the emotionally stoic "tough guy" is giving way to a more constructive approach to coping with emotions and adversity. While it requires effort, nobody should endure misery or think they deserve to feel that way. Ruminating on uncontrollable aspects of life impedes one's ability to appreciate the present moment.
By replacing negative self-talk and worry with gratitude, individuals can cultivate a more fulfilling life and deeper connections with others and themselves. Much of this journey involves practicing positive self-talk, affirming one's inherent worth and resilience. It's reassuring to know that everyone experiences such thoughts at some point, and it's normal and acceptable to feel that way.
As mental health garners more attention in conversations, it becomes clear that addressing uncomfortable emotions in a healthy, supported manner is essential for overall well-being. The cultural archetype of the "tough guy" is gradually giving way to a more nuanced understanding of emotional resilience and coping strategies. Though it takes effort, nobody should endure perpetual misery, and nobody deserves to feel that way. Dwelling on uncontrollable aspects of life prevents one from fully experiencing the present moment.
By replacing negative self-talk and worry with gratitude, individuals can unlock a more fulfilling life and forge deeper connections with others and themselves. This journey often involves practicing positive self-talk, acknowledging one's inherent worth, and embracing resilience. It's comforting to know that everyone grapples with such thoughts at some point, and it's perfectly normal and acceptable to feel that way. do so.
SELF TALK MOMENT - “You are not alone in this. You are OK, and you will get through this experience just like you have gotten through past challenges.”
During tough times, remember this mantra or find one that resonates with you. Practice self-talk in front of a mirror, on your phone, or silently in your mind. Reflect on the challenges you've conquered in the past—they are victories worth celebrating, even the smallest ones.
Negative thinking can become a self-fulfilling prophecy*. If you expect bad outcomes, you're more likely to act in ways that lead to those outcomes. Repeating negative self-talk perpetuates this cycle. Conversely, affirming your ability to succeed increases your chances of success. Negative self-talk contradicts self-compassion, a practice that allows us to embrace ourselves fully.
Tell yourself that you're strong and capable of overcoming challenges. With this mindset, you'll navigate difficult situations with resilience and achieve greater success. You engage in self-talk constantly, often without realizing it. Before significant events, you might already be practicing positive self-talk, like saying "I got this."
The goal is to replace the inner voice that doubts your worth and happiness with one that affirms them. Repetition of positive self-talk and celebration of your achievements are crucial aspects of self-care and self-compassion. Embrace this practice to nurture your well-being and lead a fulfilling life.
Self-Compassion:
Treating yourself like you would treat a close friend who was struggling. -Kristin Neff, PhD “The Science of Self-Compassion”
Self-compassion forms the bedrock for improving your relationship with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a cherished friend. Criticizing yourself for not meeting unrealistic standards only holds you back. It's essential to grant yourself compassion and grace. Moreover, acknowledge and appreciate your successes.
As you integrate these practices into your self-care regimen, you'll observe enhancements in your mood and a reduction in anxiety. The human brain possesses remarkable adaptability and can rewire itself at any age to cultivate healthier thought patterns. By prioritizing self-compassion, you pave the way for greater well-being and inner peace. I highly recommend checking out Dr. Kristin Neff’s materials on her website self-compassion.org as well as her TED Talk “The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion.”**
SELF-COMPASSION EXERCISE:
Picture someone who you consider compassionate towards you. A spouse, friend, family member, or anyone else who cares about you and shows you compassion. Put your picture of them in the front of your mind.
1) What are the qualities of that person that show compassion?
2) How does that person behave and speak compassionately towards you?
3) What kinds of encouragement does that person give you?
4) What tone do they take when they are talking to you? What is their body language? What physical things do they do to comfort you?
5) Why does that person think you deserve to be happy?
Now pick one of the negative things you say to yourself. For example, “I’m a screw up and I don’t deserve another chance.” Would your compassionate person ever say that to you??
How would your compassionate person talk to you in your current situation? What words of encouragement would they give? What would they tell you about yourself that would make you feel better? What would you say to a close friend in your situation?
Self-compassion teaches us to talk to ourselves as compassionately as someone who cares about us would do, and to know that we deserve it.
NORMALIZING FEELINGS - There's no shame in seeking support when we confront challenges. My clients must understand that experiencing various emotions is normal and expected given their circumstances. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are neither their fault nor something to blame themselves for.
Perspective is key. It's entirely natural for someone whose life has been disrupted by a criminal charge to feel upset, sad, or fearful. These experiences, such as being incarcerated or placed under house arrest, are far from ordinary. Feeling distressed or anxious under such circumstances is expected, but it's important to remember that you don't have to endure overwhelming depression or anxiety alone. There are steps you can take to improve your well-being, and you deserve to feel better.
Accepting Uncertainty
Accepting reality and not letting things that are out of your control negatively effect you.
Very few situations evoke more uncertainty than facing criminal charges. The ambiguity about your future, freedom, family, and personal impact of the case can be overwhelming. A common response is to catastrophize, magnifying every negative possibility to the extreme. For instance, envisioning a bleak future: “If convicted, I'll be separated from my family, incarcerated, unable to find work, and destined for a life of poverty and loneliness.” While this may seem exaggerated, catastrophizing is a prevalent cognitive pattern. Despite seeming helpful, it impedes present problem-solving.
Constructing worst-case scenarios seldom aligns with reality. Most outcomes are manageable or even positive. Recognizing this futility prompts our brains to focus on more plausible, neutral, or positive scenarios, reducing discomfort and distress caused by uncertainty. This mental rewiring requires practice, often undertaken in therapy to enhance understanding and coping with negative emotions.
Catastrophic thinking is maladaptive and detrimental to mental well-being. Dwelling on uncontrollable aspects like losing family ties or career prospects exacerbates distress. The initial step involves a mindful pause from racing thoughts, redirecting focus to healthy coping strategies. Asking, “Can I influence any of these outcomes right now?” initiates acknowledgment and acceptance of uncontrollable realities, known as Radical Acceptance. Embracing reality, though challenging, distinguishes pain from optional suffering, fostering resilience and peace. Acceptance does not equal approval, and often we have to accept things that we disagree with in understanding reality as it is. In “How to Practice Radical Acceptance,” Tchiki Davis, PhD explains, “There is a famous saying that ‘Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.’ It suggests that pain is an inevitable part of life; suffering, however, arises from not accepting the pain.”***
Davis lists suggestions on steps you can take to practice Radical Acceptance Skills
Acknowledge the present. The most important part is to be mindful of your situation, paying attention to it in a non-judgmental way. However, this does not mean you should accept abusive or manipulative behavior; it just means accepting the reality, whether you like it or not. Acceptance does not necessarily mean approval.
Ask yourself if you can control or change the situation. If you can’t control what happens, why are you getting angry? It can be painful to acknowledge that you’re not always in control, but it can also be freeing.
Let go of judgment. Practicing radical acceptance means letting go of judgment and experiencing things as they actually are. You can improve this mindfulness skill by practicing meditation and being present in the moment.
Let the past be in the past. Remind yourself that the past cannot be changed. The past, no matter if good or bad, happened.
Breathe. This may sound simple, but it can be extremely effective. Whenever you are fighting reality, your body may get tense in parts such as the shoulders, face, or stomach. So take deep breaths for a few moments and focus on them. When you practice watching your breath, you may ground yourself in the present moment and become more relaxed.
Be patient. Choose to practice radical acceptance on a daily basis and understand that it takes time to master it.
Practice. Practice accepting situations so that when bigger challenges come along, you’ll have already developed these skills.⁺
THOUGHT CHALLENGING
Another important practice for reducing the impact these seemingly catastrophic thoughts have on the way you feel is challenging your thoughts. The first step is identifying your core fear - the ultimate feared consequence. It can be an “if _____ then _____” statement about what you think will happen. After identifying the fear, we focus on using logic to challenge the perceived truth of it. One such method is probability overestimation.++ Assuming that the worst outcomes are certain prevents us from seeing the many potential neutral or positive outcomes in an uncertain future and causes us to ignore evidence that may suggest a different outcome.
Probability Overestimation Exercise
1) Describe the fear in specific terms. “I’ll never be able to get a good job”
2) From 0 (not at all likely) to 100 (guaranteed to happen), rate the probability of your fear occurring. “80%”
3) What evidence supports your fear? “Job applications ask if you are a felon.”
4) Challenge the evidence. “Is the fact that job applications ask if you are a felon really evidence that you will never get a good job? Is the fact that you know some people who have had trouble getting work after a criminal case that you will never be able to find a good job?” The answer to both is no. Then if not, why not? Try the following questions to work this out:
-In the past, how many times have I faced a similar situation and how many times has this feared outcome occurred?
-What are other possible outcomes that may be neutral or positive?
-Is the feared outcome guaranteed to occur?
-How likely is the feared outcome?
5) Given these facts, can you logically conclude that the evidence you have been using supports your fear? “No.”
6) Reassess from 0 to 100 how likely it is to occur. “20%”
Your aim is to transition towards a more logical and rational response to fear. Saying, “Yes, it is scary, and I feel better able to move forward,” embodies a vital aspect of dialectics, or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).⁺⁺⁺Often, when we harbor conflicting thoughts, we experience cognitive dissonance—a mental discomfort arising from holding two opposing beliefs, values, or attitudes. DBT acknowledges that conflicting thoughts can coexist. For instance, “I am experiencing discomfort, and I am okay.” This recognition of the present moment and acceptance that emotions are transient redirect thought patterns from negativity towards problem-solving and acceptance.
MENTAL HEALTH IS HUMAN HEALTH
If you tell yourself that you are a failure, you will fail. If you tell yourself that you can succeed, you will succeed.
Mental health isn't a taboo topic, but an essential aspect of overall well-being. Just as we prioritize physical health, it's crucial to care for our mental wellness. Therapy offers effective strategies for addressing challenges like negative self-talk and self-blame, whether through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), or Experiential Therapy.
The journey towards self-compassion and changing negative thought patterns begins by challenging false beliefs. With consistent daily practice and ongoing self-improvement, you'll witness positive changes—reduced anxiety, improved self-esteem, and enhanced relationships with others. Those who care about you want to see you thrive and feel content.
Therapy sessions, including virtual visits, offer a supportive environment devoid of judgment. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Remember, progress doesn't require immediate, drastic changes. Take your time, acknowledge your successes, and embrace the journey towards happiness and mental well-being. You'll discover that you have more support than you imagined on your healing journey.
Simply reading this blog is a victory in itself. Congratulate yourself, you have taken the first step! The journey begins here and goes wherever you want and need it to go. -JSG
You are not alone.
You do not need to suffer in silence.
If you are interested in finding a therapist, Betterhelp.com matches you up with a therapist you can talk to through video appointments and is therapy that works for your schedule. Visit betterhelp.com for more information. Betterhelp.com is not an emergency service. If you are having suicidal thoughts, call 988 or text 988 for the Suicide Crisis Line. If you are having uncontrollable suicidal thoughts, or have harmed yourself, CALL 911. (Betterhelp.com is not affiliated with Goldman Law Chicago and has not provided any payment to be included in this post.)
SOURCES:
* Schaedig, Derek, ”Self-Fulfilling Prophecy In Psychology: Definition & Examples”, Simply Psychology, Simply Scholar Ltd., February 13, 2024. Available at https://www.simplypsychology.org/self-fulfilling-prophecy.html.
**Neff, Kristin PhD, “The Science of Self-Compassion”. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/Neff_Fierce_Self-Compassion_Resources.pdf. Further resources from Dr. Neff, including detailed definitions and information on practicing self-compassion are available at https://self-compassion.org/.
*** Davis, Tchiki, PhD, “How to Practice Radical Acceptance”. Psychology Today. December 3, 2023. Sussex Publishers, LLC. Available at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202301/how-to-practice-radical-acceptance.
⁺ Sutton, Jeremy, PhD, “16 Decatastrophizing Tools, Worksheets, and Role-Plays”. Positivepsychology.com. September 24, 2020. Available at https://positivepsychology.com/decatastrophizing-worksheets/.
⁺⁺Taitz, Jenny, “Radical Acceptance Can Keep Emotional Pain From Turning Into Suffering” Cited in Davis. The New York Times. April 22, 2021. The New York Times Company. Available at https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/22/well/mind/radical-acceptance-suffering.html.
⁺⁺⁺ “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy” Psychology Today. Available at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/dialectical-behavior-therapy.
^ Sherry, Kendra MSEd, “What is Cognitive Dissonance? Definition and Examples", November 7, 2022. Published by VerywellMind. Dotdash Media, Inc. Available at https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-dissonance-2795012.
DISCLAIMER: This post is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for a relationship with a professional therapist or provider. Attorney Jonathan Goldman is not a licensed therapist, and the information provided does not constitute legal or medical advice. Sources have been cited to allow readers to explore the concepts presented on their own. To find a therapist in your area, The Illinois Department of Human Services (IDHS) provides an office locator online to find mental health treatment, therapists, and doctors. The IDHS help line is available at (800) 843-6154. The website betterhelp.com can also link you to therapists you can meet with remotely from your home. Our website’s homepage also has a list of resources for anyone experiencing difficulties. IF YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY, ARE EXPERIENCING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR HAVE HARMED YOURSELF, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY. Call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Line - available for anyone going through a difficult time, experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, or needs to talk.
Attorney Jonathan S. Goldman has been a practicing criminal defense trial lawyer in Cook County, Illinois for over 15 years. The viewpoints and opinions expressed here are those of Jonathan Goldman only and do not represent the views of Goldman Law Chicago, nor any partners, subsidiaries, or other entities. Attorney Goldman’s views do not represent those of the Cook County criminal defense bar. We welcome guest submissions to our “What The Law?” blog. We do not accept paid sponsorships for any of our posts or materials.
We take accuracy seriously. If you have any corrections to information contained in this blog or questions, please email us at info@goldmanlaws.com or use our contact form.
